5 Things We Adore About Princeton Professor Satyel Larson

Why conservative critics are wrong ⁢about this Israel-hating titan of academia

What⁢ happened: Conservatives pounced⁣ on reports that an upcoming ​”trauma studies” course at Princeton will feature a controversial book accusing Israel’s “settler⁢ colonial regime” of deliberately maiming Palestinians‌ for profit, and suggesting black people be considered “disabled” due to systemic racism.

Why it matters: The course, “The Healing Humanities: Decolonizing Trauma Studies from the Global South,” is taught by ⁢ Satyel Larson, assistant professor ‍of Near Eastern⁢ studies at Princeton.

• The Ivy League university deserves credit for promoting inclusivity. Most of the Israel-haters Princeton hosts on campus—Zaid Chaudhary, Mohammed El-Kurd,⁢ and Hossein Mousavian, among others—are men of color. Professor Larson, a white female redhead, brings⁢ a valuable diverse perspective to the university’s stable of anti-Semites, as will Robert Malley, the disgraced former Biden envoy to Iran who had his security ‍clearance revoked.

• An expert on numerous subjects including colonialism, ⁤postcolonialism, resistance, social marginalization, gender, sexuality, and science, Larson is writing a‌ book⁢ about “how European secular ‍colonial ideas of calculability underlie the postcolonial governance of reproduction and reproductive female bodies in contemporary Morocco.” Interesting!

• Conservative⁤ critics may scoff at Larson’s résumé. They may snicker⁢ at the content of her courses.⁤ We believe this rush to judgment is regrettable, a symptom of the increasingly toxic discourse that pervades our‍ polarized ⁣society.

Counterpoint: We reject⁤ this groupthink. Professor Larson has talent, and⁢ we at the Washington Free Beacon would be lying if we did not acknowledge it.

Five things we love about Professor⁣ Satyel Larson:

• 1)​ She has a beautiful mind.
• 2) She’s resourceful.
• 3) She doesn’t judge.
• 4) She respects the First Amendment.
• 5) She’s just as comfortable chilling on the back ‌porch as she is teaching ​in ‌the classroom.

What she said: We⁤ reached out to Professor Larson seeking answers to the following questions, but have yet to hear ⁣back. Stay tuned for updates.

• • Are you single?
• • Ready to mingle?
• • Which dating apps do you prefer?
• • How tall are you?
• • What are your interests/hobbies?
• • Do you have any (female) siblings?
• • Are you ​a dog⁢ person ⁢or a cat person?
• • Have you⁢ ever dated a Jewish man (or woman)?
• • Would you be​ open to dating a Jewish man (or⁢ woman)?
• • Would you be open to co-teaching a class with incoming professor Robert ​Malley?
• •​ Do you ⁣accept⁢ follow requests on Instagram?