‘80s Movies We Should Leave Alone

The ‘80s are back thanks to the success of “Top Gun: Maverick,” but did they ever go away?

Adam Sandler unofficially kicked off ‘80s nostalgia with “The Wedding Singer,” a film that’s now 24 years old. That’s a long time for any decade’s resurgence, but the ‘80s offer such a tapestry of style, music, and movies to recreate that it’s no wonder we can’t shake the Reagan era.

Think:

“Stranger Things”

“The Goldbergs” 

“Sing Street”

“Bumblebee”

And that’s a very partial list.

The triumph of “Top Gun: Maverick” likely has Hollywood contemplating other ‘80s-era extensions, remakes, and reboots. Some could work, of course, with the right imaginative flourishes. The following films, though, should be left alone.

“Raiders of the Lost Ark” (1981)

Yes, we’ll be seeing Dr. Jones one more time in 2023. The as-of-yet untitled sequel, the fifth in the franchise, will star a late 70s Harrison Ford. Even if the superstar defies Father Time, the original should be left alone.

It’s a near-perfect movie from start to finish, and what modern filmmaker could lap what director Steven Spielberg has already brought to the screen? That’s not all. Ford’s natural charisma has yet to be equaled. Even Chris Pratt, the most logical choice to play a younger Indiana Jones, can’t compete with Ford then – or even now.

There’s a reason we revere Indy, Han Solo, and Deckard from the “Blade Runner” films. 

Should the fifth “Indiana Jones” score big at the box office next year, Hollywood will itch to reboot the series. If they try revisiting “Raiders,” they’ll rue the day they made that choice.

“E.T.” (1982)

Yes, the special effects aren’t as “special” as they once were, and part of us would love to see an adult Elliot reunite with his childhood chum. However, it’s still a magical part of pop culture that shouldn’t be disturbed. Spielberg, again, resisted churning out sequels to this box office sensation in the ‘80s, even though the studio would have gobbled them up. It made “E.T.” even more special, an event film to be shared with future generations.

Compare it to “Elf,” the 2003 Christmas classic that stands even taller because Will Ferrell refused to make the obligatory sequel.

Plus, a new “E.T.” would be CGI, of course, but there’s something about that rubbery original that left an indelible mark on audiences.

“Mr. Mom” (1983)

There’s a practical reason to resist a new take on this classic Michael Keaton comedy. More men these days are staying home and watching the kiddos while their wives bring home the bacon. It’s no longer a novelty, and stay-at-home dads will tell you that straight up.

So, a new “Mr. Mom” already makes little sense. Plus, the concept is so ripe for woke lectures and virtue signaling that any possible reboot seems doomed to fail.

“The Beastmaster” (1982)

Audiences love bad movies, but they love cheesy films even more – especially those made with the best of intentions. “Flash Gordon” fizzled at the 1980 box office, but in the years since, it’s become a cult classic for its silly sequences and earnest storytelling. The same is true for “The Beastmaster,” a sword and sorcery lark that few would confuse with a good film. Just try turning it off once it’s on, though.

Hollywood attempted two sequels with star Marc Singer and even a TV series based on the main character, Dar. It’s been quiet on the “Beastmaster” front since then, as well it should be. The original is perfectly imperfect, and its place in cable history is secure. Channels like HBO played it so aggressively during the ‘80s that it was unavoidable. How can you top that legacy?

Most John Hughes Movies

We could use a follow-up to “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” if only to see Ferris break free from his middle-aged shackles. Most John Hughes comedies, though, should be left alone.

No one writes teen angst better than Hughes, and few young adult movies have stood the test of time quite like “Sixteen Candles,” “Pretty in Pink,” and an even lesser-known Hughes entry, “Some Kind of Wonderful.”

The thought of Hughes’ iconic characters transformed into woke, virtue signaling drones is enough to put anyone off the reboot train, and films like 1985’s “Weird Science” couldn’t be attempted today. Hollywood might try a gender swap version with two teen girls creating the “perfect” man, but anything close to the Kelly LeBrock original, though, would be savaged as the “Male Gaze” on steroids.

“Back to the Future” (1985)

It’s a near-perfect popcorn movie, brimming with nostalgia and hard lessons about growing up. Laughter, tears, and the best joke ever written around Calvin Klein underwear, this “Future” has it all. Plus, the casting couldn’t be more on-point, from Michael J. Fox’s crackly-voiced hero to Christopher Lloyd’s daffy Doc Brown.

When Hollywood creates pop culture gems, they need to be left as is. Luckily, original producer and co-writer Bob Gale insists we won’t be seeing a reboot if

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