Disney’s revamped Snow White: Death is preferable to kissing a ‘stalker’.

This is stupid.

The⁢ original version of “Snow ‍White and the Seven Dwarfs” was one of the most classic films of all time. It was the first full-length traditionally animated film. Its premiere‌ in December 1937 received⁤ a standing ovation with many major‍ Hollywood‍ stars in attendance. Over​ 30,000 fans gathered outside the theater‌ just‌ to ⁤be‌ a part of​ the event.

And now, Disney is making a live-action version, starring Rachel Zegler. She’s playing “Snow Diversity;” we can’t see Snow⁢ White anymore because that would be racist, you see. Tiana from Disney’s “The Princess and the Frog” must⁤ remain a black princess forever, but Snow White cannot be a white​ princess,⁣ even if her literal name is Snow White because she has skin as white as snow. That is the actual line in the ⁢movie. I didn’t make ⁤it up. That’s just what the fairy tale is. ‌It’s not called any other color. It’s called Snow White.

But Zegler apparently feels the necessity to crap on the⁤ myth and crap on the original movie. Over the weekend she argued the Prince in Snow White is actually the bad guy. Here’s what Zegler said:

I mean, you know, ⁢the original cartoon came⁤ out in 1937, and very evidently so. There’s a big focus on her love story with a guy who literally stalks her. Weird! Weird. So we didn’t do that ‍this time. We ⁢have a⁢ different approach to what I’m sure a lot of people will assume is a love story just because, like we cast ⁤a guy in the‌ movie …  It’s one of those things that I think everyone’s going to have their assumptions about what it’s actually going to be, but ⁢it’s really not about the love story at all, which is really, really wonderful.

“Not about the love story.” It is “wonderful.” Love is superbad. It’s superbad and the Prince is a creepy “stalker.” Did you know that? You probably didn’t, because if you watch ⁤the original movie, you’ll remember Snow White ‍standing above a well and singing a song where she says ⁣that she wishes for the one she ‌loves to find her that same day. The Prince, standing nearby, responds by finishing her song, which apparently means he is ​a creepy “stalker.”

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You know what would be better? If he just left her to be dead. She was lying on the bier with glass over her; she was pretty well-preserved.‍ He should have just left her alone, and she would ‌have been dead and everyone would be happy. Not‍ so ‍happy because she’s ​dead, but he is a creepy stalker, according to Zegler, so perhaps it would have been better if she had bitten the poisoned apple and ⁤died. That way, she’d never⁣ have been kissed and ‌then she’d be dead.

You know who else would be dead?⁢ Sleeping Beauty. She’d still be dead. In fact, there’s a bunch of princesses who would still be dead if we ‌just ⁤abided by #MeToo.

Apparently, even when a woman is‍ in love with a man and even when they want⁢ to be together, the worst thing ⁣that⁢ could possibly happen is ‍for him to kiss​ her while ⁣she is dead, to wake her up from being dead. That’s the worst thing you could do in a myth. The best thing probably would have been for him to come along and just⁣ bury her.

But at least the new version is‍ not ​going to ⁤be about love.

Honestly, what is Disney doing? What are they doing? They’re so high on their own supply. It is insane. What do they think the market​ is for this?

Who are ‌the parents who will say, “I’m desperate to bring my child to a movie that is not about Snow White, but is in fact about ​a self-empowered woman, just like ‘Atomic Blonde’ but for children?”

Disney. Geniuses.

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