‘Cocaine Raccoons’ wreak havoc in Portland: A glimpse into the desired future of liberals.

Left-wing dystopia​ enters terrifying new phase

What happened: The liberal city of Portland, Oregon, has experienced a “sudden increase ⁣in aggressive raccoon attacks” over the past month. During that same period,⁣ (human) deaths from drug ⁣overdoses have also surged.

• Portland presents an ideal environment for raccoons:‍ large homeless ‍encampments littered with food scraps and⁤ lots ⁤of ⁤empty buildings​ abandoned ⁣by businesses​ fleeing the city.
• Oregon Catalyst suggests, quite reasonably, that⁢ the ‌abundance of raccoons and ⁣illicit⁤ drugs in Portland may ⁣well have engendered a ⁤scenario ⁢like ⁤the one​ recounted in Cocaine Bear, the 2023 comedy horror film based ⁢on true events.

What they’re saying: “Since Portland is one of the drug capitals of the nation⁤ and has decriminalized cocaine, the city has ⁤plenty ⁤of hard drugs left around for raccoons to ⁤discover,” Oregon Catalyst writes. “With so many raccoons ​and ⁢so many drugs everywhere, the‌ chances that some of these⁢ creatures are⁤ stoned are possible and never‌ zero.”

Why it matters: This is​ the future liberals⁤ want. Portland is one of several American cities in which Democrats have successfully created ‌a left-wing dystopia overrun by vagrants, drug ⁤addicts,​ and criminal deviants. It was only a matter of time ​before the raccoons moved in, got hopped up on powerful stimulants, and started attacking humans as well⁣ as their dogs.

Bottom line:⁢ Judging by their voting patterns, Portland residents ⁣got exactly⁣ what they wanted. Congrats!