Time to Call a Ceasefire in the Gender War

Earlier this month, actors Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher announced that “after a long tennis match lasting over 20 years, we are finally putting our racquets down,” divorcing after 13 years of marriage. It’s yet another skirmish in the battle of the sexes that’s been going on since well before 1973, when Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs competed in their famous tennis match.

Amid widespread divorce, sexual confusion, and abortion, and the general moral and civil breakdown in today’s culture, many people are wondering how we got here.

How did we arrive at the point where we even entertain a debate on stopping the natural physical development of a child or killing an unborn child with a pill you can get in the mail, as if it’s the latest fad supplement the Amazon driver drops at your doorstep? How can people be trying to replace the word “pedophilia” with “minor-attracted person”?

The worst of the left’s ideas are rooted in the denial of sex and the societal customs that stem from their differences. They didn’t come out of nowhere. Since the 1960s, radical feminists and the sexual revolution expanded the boundaries of sexual differences to the point where there seem to be no boundaries at all. The sexes have also been pitted against each other, and the results have been devastating to society and Western civilization itself.

As of 2021, around 25 percent of 40-year-old Americans are not married — the highest percentage ever recorded — despite data that demonstrates higher life satisfaction among married couples. Gen Z seems to have no interest in the opposite sex. They’ve been told most of the ills of society are the result of Western imperialism led by white males.

After over 50 years, it’s time to call game, set, match. We must begin not only to establish harmonious relationships between men and women but to reinstate cultural norms for sex, dating, and marriage. This may be difficult because the left does its best to destroy custom and foment division not only in the category of sex, but also race, class, and just about every other identifying characteristic one could drum up.

Let’s call a truce and outline some provisions of the treaty.

Team Man

This is a call to action for men. We need those in the public eye to speak up. Politicians, actors (although you may be few and far between), and athletes — we need you not only to offer 30-second sound bites lamenting the decline of marriage and attacking the ideologies that cause it but to illuminate the realities of marriage and why you choose to be in it. Explain why it’s a better option than the alternatives.

Take a page from Jason Kelce’s book and talk about the sense of purpose and meaning that comes with being a husband and a father. Do not submit to the woke culture because you fear retribution or irrelevancy. Dig deep into the reserves of manliness that society has tried to squelch and stand up for what you know is right. Be louder than those who insist on portraying your inherent nature as toxic. Don’t offer simple “inarticulate resistance in the form of reluctance, a residual, bodily and behavioral unwillingness on the part of men to do their share in the upkeep of gender neutrality,” as Harvey Mansfield describes it in his book, Manliness.

Find a men’s group and talk about men’s stuff — the challenges you face and the pressure and responsibility of being a man. If you know you need a strong role model in your life, seek out a mentor. If you know you can be a strong role model for a young boy, be a mentor.

Find a healthy outlet to express any aggression or frustration you feel. Go to the gym, play in a sports league, hang a punching bag in your home if you need to. If you don’t have your own kids, or even if you do, volunteer at a youth organization for young boys in your community, coach Little League or peewee football. Get involved and serve your community. You are valued and needed more than ever.

Finally, chivalry is not dead. After decades of hibernation, women want it back. Please, open the door, pull out the chair, and walk on the street side of the sidewalk.

Team Woman

Women, we have perhaps a bigger role to play. Despite those who won’t stop yapping about inequality, we hold the most power right now. We are living in a highly feminized culture. Instead of using that to tear down the pillars of Western civilization — and we can — we should be using it to build it up.

First, we must recognize how we’ve castrated our men and begin to dial it back. Reduce the criticism and the blame. Put an end to phrases like “the patriarchy” and “toxic masculinity.” Stop insisting we do it all. We’ve proven ourselves and beyond. This is not 1930. It’s time to move on and create a culture that values both mutuality and independence.

Second, we have to forgive. Yes, forgive the times the men in your life — your fathers, husbands, bosses, and boyfriends — have failed you. Forgive the times they’ve failed to curtail their aggression, their appetite, and their, well, manliness and acted without restraint or less than gentlemen-like. As Lord Goring says at the end of Oscar Wilde’s An Ideal Husband, “Women are not meant to judge us [men] but to forgive us.”

I’m not suggesting tolerating abuse. I’m talking about letting go of every little so-called “microaggression” and off-putting comment — and eventually even the bigger failings — that many women hold in their hearts with bitterness and contempt. Take a cue from men and deal with unwanted or unsavory behavior with truth and assertiveness. In the boardroom, call out any genuinely inappropriate conduct. In the bedroom, drop the more manly persona you may have adopted to succeed at work. Realize the inherent power of womanhood without having to usurp it from someone else, male or female, and take responsibility for it.

Stop giving sex away like it’s a free car episode of “Oprah” and quit pretending sexual liberation will magically make you feel powerful.

Like it or not, it is our job to teach men who, for whatever reason, haven’t been properly socialized, without canceling them. Cut them some slack. Lord knows many of them have given us plenty. If anyone can help bridge this divisiveness between the sexes some of us have caused, “It should be expected that women, with a woman’s art, will weave us together once again.” (Mansfield once again.)

All it may take is a change in perspective. Quit assuming everything is an offense to your female power. That catcall from the construction worker may just be a compliment. That hand on your back, a way to let you know he’s got it. That joke, just a way to get you to crack a smile and loosen your tense, rigid demeanor. For the men who still have balls enough to engage in this kind of respectful flirtation, thank you.

I am in no way suggesting a return to the “Madmen” days of old. I certainly don’t want to dress in pearls, heels, and a perfect shade of red lipstick to cook a pot roast for three hours, waiting to serve my man his Manhattan when he walks through the door after a long day at the office or banging his secretary. While I’m sure some men might appreciate that, I don’t think it’s what they really want either.

I believe men want intimacy and genuine partnership as much as women do. I think they desire a woman who can tussle with them in intellectual debate as well as in the bedroom. I think they want someone they can confide in and be vulnerable with, and not be made to feel that a confession or mistake will be used against them in an argument 10 years down the road.

Women: It’s not about masquerading as a man or pretending we can, or want to, do without one. It’s about honoring our unique capacities that help develop the positive virtues of manliness. The ones that not only give birth but also incentivize men to aim for a higher sense of purpose and integrity for the good of all. It’s about finding a “feminism” and a marriage that’s appropriate for the 21st century — one that values the need for and contribution of manliness rather than shutting it down and demanding men become more feminine and women become more manly.

Because that is not equality. That is a great civilization in demise.