The Conservative Case For Sauron

Year 3018 of the Third Age

But what are the defenders of Gondor actually defending? My heart swells with pride when I see the banner of the White Tree — I even volunteered to do military law at Osgiliath — but I cannot look at the Stewardship of Denethor and say that it advances the values that Gondor was supposed to stand for. Many of my friends and family disagree with me, and though I love them, I note that they never look at what the Stewardship actually does now.

Does it effectively defend the realm? Does it preserve the values of Numenor? Does it sustain our alliances abroad? No, no, and no. The Steward’s own sons tell the sorry tale: Boromir has fled to the company of the Elves, apparently seeking comfortable refuge in safe Rivendell; and Faramir, who I knew at Osgiliath, squanders his time there in one of Denethor’s forever wars. The whole family of the Stewards, and all the Make Gondor Great Again (MGGA) people, have forgotten what was once a fundamental principle for us: character matters.

As for the line of the Kings, they shall never return, and it is time for real conservatives, guided by Burkean realism, to accept it.

That’s why, this election season, I am following my conservative principles and supporting a leader with a real vision for Gondor: the Lord of Barad-dûr, the Lord of Angband, Gorthaur, known to the electorate as Sauron the Great.

Many of my friends will reproach me for this. I respect their views, even though they are wrong. But my principles allow me no other course, and I think a majority of Gondorians will feel the same come the time for decision. We are the children of Numenor — we hear that again and again from MGGA — but who truly brings us back to Numenor and its values? Is it the directionless Stewards? The absent kings? Or will it be the One who served directly under Ar-Pharazôn himself in Numenor’s Golden Age? Character matters: record matters too, and Sauron has one.

Or consider the pressing matters of national defense. The Stewards have lost Minas Ithil and struggle to hold the ruins of once-great Osgiliath. (I served there, if I haven’t mentioned that before.) Meanwhile, Sauron builds a strong and effective national defense, and promises to do the same for Gondor. The numbers tell the tale — respect for empiricism being a core conservative principle — and so we have to note that whereas Gondor has suffered several hundred Orc attacks in the past year alone, Sauron’s Mordor has suffered none. Who then is the real law-and-order conservative?

Finally, because real conservatives value diversity, we have to look at the contrasting records of the Stewards and Sauron there as well. Denethor presides over a realm of dreary uniformity, all Men, and white Men at that. Meanwhile, Sauron has shown that a strong and vigorous realm is possible with a rainbow coalition of diversity. Mordor has Men, to be sure, but it is not just the sort of Men we have in Gondor. There are also the Men of the southern Corsairs, living in common purpose with standard Orcs, Orcs of the Uruk-Hai, Goblins, Trolls, Fell Beasts, Balrogs, ancient spider beings, and more. Moreover, they live in true equity — although Gondorians can take heart in the Dark Lord’s obvious special love for Men, in his elevation of nine of them to exalted positions in his realm. The Stewards, and certainly Denethor, have never bothered to do anything like it. When we look to the conservative coalition of the future, we don’t see it in Gondor. We do see it in Mordor. 

 Years ago, the famous Last King Isildur told us it was a time for choosing. This season, I, the last true conservative of Gondor, in the spirit of Isildur’s own choice, choose the Servant of Morgoth.

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