CNN+ Is Dead on Arrival

“Investment in CNN+, the streaming service launched two weeks ago, is expected to be cut dramatically in response to low adoption,” reports the far-left Axios.

“The new company leadership has yet to decide the fate of CNN+. CNN’s new chief, Chris Licht, starts May 1,” the report adds.

There are only two words there that matter, and those words would be “low” and “adoption.”

To which, please allow me to add my own two words: a “tee” and a “hee.”

Now that Discover and WarnerMedia have merged into Warner Bros. Discovery, a whole new regime is in charge of CNNLOL, and if there are any adults over at the new company, CNN and the lying, violent pigs who work there are in for a reckoning.

Regardless, what could bring more joy to the hearts of righteous men everywhere than bad news for the lying, violent pigs at CNN?

What a beautiful morning this is! The sky is blue. The air is clean. A family of deer just loped through my yard, and the bluebirds are singing as they bring me breakfast on a silver tray.

Yes, now that Americans have snapped out of the media manipulation behind the war in Ukraine, CNNLOL’s ratings have slipped back to where they belong (in the toilet), and CNN+ is the very disaster we all knew it would be.

No one watches CNN. But CNN is so arrogant, so eager to pose as a force, disgraced former CNN chief Jeff Zucker still launched CNN+.

Former CNN President Jeffrey Adam ‘Jeff’ Zucker gives a speach on the first day of the Mobile World Congress (MWC) on February 26, 2018 in Barcelona. (LLUIS GENE/AFP/Getty Images)

The good news is that even though we all knew CNN+ was going to fail, that foreknowledge has in no way dampened the pleasure of watching it fail. That’s what you call a win-win—that’s what you call proof of God’s love, even for a sinner like myself.

What’s truly hilarious about CNN+ is that CNN+ doesn’t even offer CNN. Actually, that kind of sounds like a bonus…

What I mean is that if you’re stupid enough to subscribe to CNN+, you don’t have access to CNN. Yes(!), you still have to pay for cable TV if you want to watch CNN. All you get on CNN+ are shows hosted by the smuggest, self-righteous, intolerant, bigoted assholes on TV: Brian Stelter, Jake Tapper, Don Lemon, Anderson Cooper, Wolf Blitzer, and Chris Wallace.

So CNN+ is itself fake news. It’s such fake news that CNN+ isn’t even CNN+. There is no CNN at CNN+. Just a lot of bad television shows starring smug liars.

CNN is so desperate to lie to you; it launched an entire streaming channel that’s a big, fat lie.

Now that my hands are warmed by this glorious dumpster fire, I will enjoy my breakfast.

Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC. Follow his Facebook Page here.

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