EXCLUSIVE: Transcript of Cuomo Brothers Strategy Session
Left-wing media network CNN is engulfed in scandal yet again for refusing to discipline host Chris Cuomo after he was busted for advising his embattled brother, Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D., N.Y.), on how to respond to allegations of sexual harassment.
These private strategy sessions, conducted via conference call, were far more extensive and consequential than previously reported, according to a partial transcript obtained by the Washington Free Beacon. In the interest of journalistic integrity, we are reprinting the transcript (lightly edited for clarity; heavily edited for language) below. Enjoy!
ANDREW CUOMO: Shut the f—k up, Fredo. I ain’t f—ing resigning!
CHRIS CUOMO: Calm the f—k down, bro. No one’s saying that.
A. CUOMO: You’re acting like I’m Anthony f—ing Weiner over here. Me? A pervert? I’m a flirtatious guy, okay?
ANTHONY WEINER: With all due respect, Mr. Governor, we’re here to help.
A. CUOMO: Then f—ing help, d—wad! Forgive me for preferring a legal piece of ass, you sick f—k. I am not a criminal!
C. CUOMO: You’re not a criminal, but we need a strategy. We need to shape the narrative.
A. CUOMO: They’re f—ing liars, that’s the narrative!
C. CUOMO: Agreed.
JEFF ZUCKER: Agreed.
A. CUOMO: I mean, look at me. Do I look like someone who needs to harass? Women love me.
RALPH NORTHAM: If I may, Mr. Governor. We’re all Democrats here, right? Deny everything, ignore it, and there’s a good chance the media will stop caring. Worked for me.
ZUCKER: Good point, Mr. Governor. Bill, what’s your take?
BILL CLINTON: My take? He’s not even married. What’s the big deal?
C. CUOMO: Agreed.
HILLARY CLINTON: Agreed.
A. CUOMO: That’s a great point, Mr. President.
B. CLINTON: No s—. Luckier than a dog with two d—s.
C. CUOMO: So, what are we thinking? Some of these girls are Ivy League grads, correct? The “trailer trash” defense is off the table.
H. CLINTON: Worth a shot.
ZUCKER: What else we got?
A. CUOMO: Lying sluts!
B. CLINTON: Horny feminists.
H. CLINTON: Good call.
C. CUOMO: Sexually liberated, I like that.
ZUCKER: Bingo.
A. CUOMO: Liberated my ass! I did nothing wrong! Why did they think I hired them? For their f—ing brains?
C. CUOMO: We’re on your side, bro.
A. CUOMO: What are you guys even doing over there? I got the media up my ass, and now the DA’s office.
C. CUOMO: The nursing home thing? That’s a separate issue.
H. CLINTON: Who cares?
A. CUOMO: Exactly. We’re talking about vegetables here. Old as f—k, bedridden….
C. CUOMO: Basically dead already.
A. CUOMO: And a burden to the taxpayer.
B. CLINTON: And the planet.
NORTHAM: And probably racist.
ZUCKER: Great stuff. Brian, are you writing this down?
BRIAN STELTER: Yes, sir!
C. CUOMO: Let’s get you on CNN as soon as possible.
A. CUOMO: I’m busy.
C. CUOMO: Busy?
A. CUOMO: Shut up, Fredo.
STELTER: Think of the ratings, Mr. Governor.
A. CUOMO: I don’t give a f—k. Mr. President, you still there?
B. CLINTON: What’s up?
A. CUOMO: You going to the Epstein estate sale?
B. CLINTON: Do interns put out?
WEINER: LOL.
A. CUOMO: Jesus Christ. Shut up, Weiner! Who says that? “LOL.” You need to get off SnapChat.
B. CLINTON: Mr. Governor?
A. CUOMO: Yeah. You still wanna go fifty-fifty on Lolita Express? I got a cool five milly in book money coming in.
B. CLINTON: Let’s do it.
A. CUOMO: Sounds good. Thanks everyone, talk soon!
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