Hollywood Talent: They Offer Services, Not Money.
I’m excited to announce to you that the Union Solidarity Coalition is now auctioning off their services to benefit their crews’ health care fund.
I should remind you that every single person who’s auctioning off services is worth millions of dollars. If they actually wanted to help benefit their crews’ health care fund, they could write a check.
That would be the best way to do it. If you are Lena Dunham and you come from a very wealthy family and have a net worth of $10-$12 million, an amazing way to help people would be to write a check. If you’re Bob Odenkirk and you made a massive success of yourself over the past few years, and you have a net worth in the $16 million range, perhaps you could sign a check.
Nope. They’re all auctioning off their services. This is exciting, earth-shattering stuff.
Here are some of the auction items that are now available. There are some gems available to you. (Bids are open on eBay, by the way, for the next seven to eight days.) I can’t wait.
- If you spend the proper amount of money, you could have a mural painted by Lena Dunham in your house. She’ll come to your house if you live in New York, London, or L.A., and she will paint a mural in your home. That sounds like a nightmare because Dunham is most famous for being obsessed with genitalia. She has recalled when she was growing up, her house was covered in pictures of female genitalia. I know you’re ready to enjoy her art.
But there are some restrictions. The auction description reads:
Respect for talent and their staff will be expected at all times. Inappropriate behavior or solicitation for personal gain by the winner could result in the immediate conclusion of the experience with no refund. The talent has the right to end the experience at any time, for any reason, with no refund.
So if you want Lena Dunham, a weirdo, in your house, painting strange things on your walls, you could do that. It will only cost you about five grand.
- Other items of interest: a session asking Maggie Gyllenhaal 20 questions in 20 minutes. If you’re going to do that, I would recommend you just ask her about Jake the whole time. “How did you feel when he was doing “Prince of Persia”? How about when he was in “October Sky”? How did that make you feel, Maggie?”
- Natasha Lyonne is allowing you to help her help you solve the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle. For thousands of dollars. Is she that amazing at crossword puzzles?
- John Lithgow will do a watercolor portrait of your dog.
- You can also bid on other items, including 20 questions in a 20-minute Zoom with Sarah Silverman. The problem is that during the Zoom call, you’ll have to actually listen to Silverman’s voice for 20 long minutes, the little cutesy baby voice. And she presumably says swear words a lot.
This is so exciting.
Adam Scott is offering to walk your dog for one hour. Scott could sign a check that would benefit the crews, but instead he’s going to walk your dog for an hour, which sounds amazing. Theoretically, you could walk your dog yourself, but I guess if you really want to be able to say you hired Scott to walk your dog because it’s a good cocktail party story, you could do that.
That is inspiring stuff.
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What is the opportunity being offered by the Union Solidarity Coalition to attend a private comedy show, and what potential bonus could come with it
But you better behave and not try to take advantage of the situation. Fair warning.
- If strange murals aren’t your thing, perhaps you’d be more interested in having lunch with Bob Odenkirk. Yes, you can bid on a lunch date with the talented actor. Imagine the conversations you could have over a meal. Just make sure to behave, or he might end the experience abruptly and leave you hungry.
- There’s also an opportunity to attend a private comedy show hosted by the Union Solidarity Coalition. You can bid on the chance to enjoy an evening filled with laughter and entertainment. Who knows, you might even get to meet some famous comedians.
- And if you’re a fan of music, you won’t want to miss the opportunity to bid on a private concert by a renowned musician. You can have the artist perform for you and your guests in the comfort of your own home. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience for any music enthusiast.
These are just a few examples of the exciting auction items available. The Union Solidarity Coalition is truly going above and beyond to raise funds for their crews’ health care. It’s remarkable to see celebrities and talented individuals using their skills and fame to make a difference.
However, let’s not forget the underlying issue here. If these wealthy individuals genuinely wanted to contribute to their crews’ health care funds, they could simply write a check. Auctioning off their services seems more like a publicity stunt than a sincere effort to help.
Nevertheless, if you’re interested, head over to eBay and start placing your bids. Not only will you be supporting a worthy cause, but you’ll also have the opportunity to experience something truly unique. It’s a win-win situation.
In conclusion, the Union Solidarity Coalition is now auctioning off their services to benefit their crews’ health care fund. Lena Dunham will paint a mural in your home, Bob Odenkirk will have lunch with you, and there are many other exciting opportunities up for grabs. While it may seem like a PR move, it’s still a chance to support a worthy cause and have an unforgettable experience. So don’t hesitate, start bidding!
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