How Gardening Helped Me Quit My Antidepressant

When the shelves of grocery stores began to disappear sporadically in 2021 I began to worry seriously about food security. I had enough land to plant a large garden and decided that 2022 would be the best year for me to begin producing my own food.

Last March, I pulled hundreds of rocks up, laid hundreds of feet of cardboard to suppress weeds and spread seven cubic yards of compost. Over-ambitious, eager to produce lots of food, I created more than 1,000 square feet worth of growing space.

When I decided to grow food, I did not know that I would be able to stop taking my antidepressant. It was something I used since I was 18. It saved me a lot of suffering and even my life when I was younger. (Lord knows how severe my depression could have been without it).

However, last winter I felt stable, despite having anxiety and panic attacks. My antidepressant stopped working, and I started to wonder if it was unnecessary. The psychiatrist who prescribed it initially hadn’t stated that it was a lifetime sentence. Bupropion is sometimes taken off by people who are able to continue their treatment for five to 10 years.

The garden was something I looked forward to since the beginning. It was a big project that I could design and work with and it gave me a new world of knowledge. I was thrilled. It was clear that I would get into mischief. It would only be safer this time. What’s the worst that can happen — I kill some plants?

What’s the worst thing that could happen if my medication is stopped? I am very familiar with my depression and would take the medication back if prescribed by my doctor.

I stopped taking the antidepressant completely after I had done some early research on my garden and planted too many seedlings. I felt no worse — if anything, the facial pain I believe stemmed from the anxiety was a bit less intense.

I discovered a host of new benefits that gardening eventually provided, which I hadn’t even realized until late winter. It gives me something to look forward too and helps me prepare for the days when there isn’t much growing outside. I dug drainage trenches, built rock walls and rabbit fencing the year before spring arrived.

My use of social media is restricted and gardening keeps me away from too much analysis and news. It allows me to get out in the sunshine, sometimes with wind and sleet. When I’m working outside, also known by exercise, I don’t eat snacks or bake treats.

My gardening experience has taught me perseverance and discipline. In my care, hundreds of seedlings died and many more did not germinate. But I persevered until I had some success. I connect to the soil and plants by nurturing them.

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