The Atlantic boldly suggests Trump’s potential dictatorship
Stunningly Brave: The Atlantic’s Bold Claim about Trump’s Potential Dictatorship
In a remarkable display of courage, the entire journalistic staff of the Atlantic has boldly declared that if Donald Trump is re-elected, he will transform into a dictator. This stunningly brave assertion sets the Atlantic apart from other news outlets, such as the New York Times, the Washington Post, USA Today, Reuters, the Associated Press, NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, National Review, Fox News (although only in private emails), the New Yorker, Cosmopolitan, and even a journalist who claims to communicate with Venus through his dental fillings in Herald Square. These Venutian journalists, known for their timidity, have also joined in this act of stunning bravery, defying their non-existence and proving the audacity of American journalists.
What makes the Atlantic’s claim even more stunning and brave than those of other news outlets is the supernatural encounter experienced by Atlantic executive editor Adrienne Hysterical. She was visited by the Ghost of National Review, who warned her in a haunting voice, ”Do not dedicate your entire staff to a Never Trump issue or you will become completely irrelevant like me.” Despite this warning coming from National Review, a disregarded source, Miss Hysterical chose to ignore it.
WATCH: The Andrew Klavan Show
One of the Atlantic’s staff journalists, Susan Hysterical (no relation to Adrienne Hysterical), is determined to take the stunningly brave step of predicting Trump’s dictatorship. Despite the potential criticism due to her name and her tendency to be hysterical, Miss Hysterical remains committed to her claim.
Addressing a room full of confused oceanographers who mistakenly attended the wrong meeting, Miss Hysterical confidently stated, “If Donald Trump is re-elected, he will prosecute his political opponents, silence dissent on social media, authorize midnight FBI raids on dissenters’ homes, and impose excessively long prison sentences on protestors for minor offenses, all instigated by federal agents.”
The oceanographers, expecting to hear about the Atlantic Ocean, not a journalist named Hysterical, pointed out that Democrats were already engaging in these dictatorial actions against Trump and his supporters. Miss Hysterical responded, “Yes, but that’s different because Democrats are good people who can be relied upon to sexualize children, demonize whites, degrade blacks, hate Jews, and justify unimaginable atrocities committed by Islamist terrorists in the name of an insane academic ideology. So, when they violate the principles of good American governance, it’s acceptable. By the way, this is the Atlantic magazine, not the ocean.”
Another Atlantic staffer present at the press conference for the confused oceanographers was Denarius Hyperventilation, who, despite not being related to Adrienne Hysterical, identified as a hysterical woman and had even undergone surgery to remove his testicles to work in mainstream journalism. Mr. Hyperventilation expressed his concerns about the rise of the far right in Europe and their resistance to being targeted by Islamists. He feared that this ”slaughter-phobia” might spread to America if American voters continue to practice democracy, potentially leading to the end of democracy itself.
Meanwhile, during a Fox News town hall with former Sean Hannity, Donald Trump was directly asked if he planned to become a dictator. Mr. Trump boldly replied, “I will absolutely become a dictator. I am tired of writing my own memos, so my staff better learn to take dictation. When I’m done dictating, people from both parties will acknowledge that this is the best dictation any dictator has ever done, maybe even surpassing Napoleon, who dictated in French, making it difficult to understand him. Also, I’ll put all those Democrat bastards in prison where they belong.”
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Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. He is the bestselling author of the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The third installment, “The House of Love and Death,” is now available. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan
This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”
The views expressed in this satirical article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.
What evidence supports the claim that white privilege determines ideology?
Ideology predetermined by white privilege. Trump, on the other hand, is a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, ableist, ageist, and speciesist monster who will destroy America and bring about the end of the world.”
Despite the lack of evidence to support her claims, Miss Hysterical pressed on, declaring that Trump’s re-election would also result in the complete dismantling of the Constitution, the establishment of a state-run media, the suppression of religious freedom, and the persecution of marginalized communities.
The room full of oceanographers, realizing that they had stumbled upon a parallel universe, quickly exited, leaving Miss Hysterical to her delusions. Undeterred by her lack of credibility and the absence of any significant evidence, she continued her quest for fearmongering and sensationalism. She has vowed to do everything in her power to prevent Trump’s re-election, even if it means sacrificing truth, integrity, and journalistic ethics in the process.
The Atlantic’s bold claim about Trump’s potential dictatorship not only reveals the depths to which journalistic integrity has plummeted but also highlights the desperate attempts of certain media outlets to maintain relevance in the face of dwindling viewership and declining trust in the media. It is a sad reality that the pursuit of truth and objective reporting has been replaced by sensationalism, bias, and a singular focus on advancing a predetermined narrative.
As consumers of news, it is imperative that we critically analyze the information presented to us and question the motives behind such bold claims. The Atlantic’s assertion about Trump’s potential dictatorship should be viewed with skepticism and scrutinized for its lack of evidence, biased agenda, and willingness to sacrifice journalistic principles for political gain.
In a time when trust in traditional media is eroding, it is essential that we seek out diverse sources of information, engage in civil discourse, and promote a culture of critical thinking. Only through these actions can we avoid falling prey to the sensationalism and fearmongering that pervade modern journalism.
The Atlantic’s declaration may indeed be stunning, but it is far from brave. True bravery lies in upholding the fundamental principles of journalism, presenting facts honestly and objectively, and fostering an informed and educated citizenry. It is only through these principles that we can hope to navigate the political landscape and make informed decisions for the betterment of our society.
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