The bongino report

John Hawkins: Let’s Define What a “Groomer” Is

It’s both ironic and hilarious to see liberals get so upset about being called “groomers” when they commonly accuse people of being racists, terrorists, white supremacists, fascists, and Nazis simply for disagreeing with them. Yet, Facebook, TikTok, Reddit, and pre-Elon Musk’s Twitter have all banned people for using the word. It’s kind of weird to live in a world where the same kind of people who will call you a Nazi and a white supremacist for not being a fan of Hillary Clinton are so sensitive about being called a groomer for doing creepy sexual things around children, but that is the world we live in.

Still, since the word has become quite popular lately, it’s worth taking a little time to talk about what a groomer is and IS NOT.

First of all, as a way to deflect criticism from groomers, people on the Left often claim that the term “groomer” is commonly applied to all gay people. This is false. I’m sure that there is some conservative, somewhere, who uses the phrase that way, but that’s not how the term is typically applied. In fact, off the top of my head, I don’t know anyone who uses the term that way. Furthermore, if you look at the people who popularized the term on the Right, NONE OF THEM use the term that way. In other words, claiming that conservatives refer to all gay people as groomers is not just untrue, it’s an attempt to actively mislead people. Of course, the existence of accounts like…

…should make that incredibly obvious, but sometimes you have to break it down to the preschool level to try to help liberals understand (and it still doesn’t work most of the time).

Additionally, some people on the Left have pointed to things like this and have tried to call it “grooming”:

We could have a legitimate debate about whether these activities constitute “grooming” or not (I’d say “no,” which I’ll go into more detail on a little further down), but all of it is WILDLY inappropriate. Kids shouldn’t be posing next to some booth girl’s ass, dressing in revealing outfits to be judged by adults, or taking cheesecake shots with Hooters girls, which is the most defensible of all of these since time has passed Hooters by. When teen girls at the mall commonly wear outfits as revealing as the Hooters girls, it gets a lot harder to argue the restaurant isn’t for kids. In any case, since liberals are struggling with this concept, let’s go a little deeper.

We’re supposed to PROTECT CHILDREN, especially when we’re talking about pre-pubescent kids. Even after kids hit puberty, their judgment is poor and they don’t have the life experience to make good decisions. This is why statutory rape laws exist and it doesn’t matter if say a 15-year-old “consents” to sex with a 25-year-old, it’s still rape. Someone at that age can’t meaningfully consent to an adult. Are kids that age going to experiment with each other, and can there be some legitimately debatable issues around say an 18-year-old and a 17-year-old dating? Absolutely, but as a society, we have always tried to draw as clear a line as possible in this area between adults and kids when it comes to sexual activity.  Those lines include trying to keep adult sexual practices, beyond the basics in sex-ed once children get older, out of spaces where kids happen to be.

So, what does what we universally accept as the grooming of children look like in practice? Well, here’s the Child Protection Center with a more detailed breakdown of how grooming can play out:

1) Targeting the Child

The offender typically has a preference for gender, age, or a “type” of child and will pay special attention to him or her.

2) Gaining the Child’s and Caregiver’s Trust

“I saw you playing with Legos. I’m planning to see the new movie, you can come with me if you want to go.”

3) Filling a Need

“I know you love reading so I got you this book.”

4) Isolating the Child

“You can trust me because no one understands you more than I do.”

“Special” trips, one-on-one coaching, babysitting, etc.

5) Sexualizing the Relationship

“Have you ever watched porn? I can show you what it is.”

“Have you ever masturbated? I can show you how, it feels really good.”

6) Maintaining Control

“If you tell anyone, something bad could happen to you and your family.”

“If you tell anyone, we could both go to jail and wouldn’t be able to be together.”

Creepy, creepy behavior, right? Yet, we now regularly have this entire list playing out in many CLASSROOMS ACROSS AMERICA.

Many teachers try to build relationships with the kids. They also already have built-in trust with the child and caregiver. Those two things are basically part of the job. Additionally, teachers have lots of opportunities to isolate a child and fill a need, “Oh, you feel anxious and unpopular? Maybe it’s because you’re the wrong gender!” They’re showing these kids, sometimes very young children, books featuring explicit gay porn. They’re also trying to hide what they’re doing from the parents of these kids.

This is straight-up, by-the-books, THEY WOULD BE IMMEDIATELY FIRED IN A SANE SOCIETY, style grooming.

The same thing goes for drag shows and kids. Granted, you almost have to make an exception for PARENTS who take their kids to drag shows. Are they showing a level of judgment that is so poor that it should cause people to question their fitness as parents? Absolutely. Putting your kid in front of a bunch of weird guys dressed in women’s clothing who often put on heavily sexualized performances shows cataclysmically bad judgment. Drag queen story hour is the equivalent of orgy story hour or Dominatrix story hour. If you wouldn’t want your kid to be read a story by a gimp while his mistress whips him, you shouldn’t want a drag queen reading to your kids either.

Now, when people WHO ARE NOT the parents of those children take kids to watch drag queens perform? Again, we’re back to just straight-up grooming. You’re an adult deliberately joining children in a bizarre, sexualized show designed for adults. If you do that, you’re a gross, creepy groomer who shouldn’t even be allowed within 100 yards of a school, much less teach in one.

There are so many obvious questions about all of this that would have been asked by almost any society from the dawn of mankind, all the way up until a few years ago in blue America. Having a drag queen read to a child is the equivalent of having a drug dealer or patient in an asylum read to kids. Why would you want to hold up such a damaged person as a role model to a child? Why do you want to expose children, particularly very young children, to explicit, gay pornography? Why are you trying to recruit small children to be gay and/or confused about their gender when it’s so clearly having a huge negative impact on the lives of so many of these kids? When you’re creating a social contagion in your schools that’s causing kids to want to get their penises cut off and attempt to kill themselves at staggering rates, you’d think it would cause some 2nd thoughts. Why are teachers, who are supposed to be teaching kids to read and write so hellbent on pushing this harmful propaganda on kids? Why are drag queens so keen on performing in front of children? Why have there been social media websites, like pre-Elon Musk’s Twitter, that have turned a blind eye to people that want to sexually exploit children?

There’s an obvious answer to all these questions.

You’re not a groomer because you’re gay or trans. You’re not a groomer just because you’re liberal. You’re not a groomer just because you’re a parent who takes your kid to see a drag queen (although you are a bad parent). However, there are more than a few sick people on the Left that are very interested in sexualizing kids and there are lots of liberals that are either sympathetic to them or that are willing to go along with them just because it’s trendy and it pisses off conservatives. In other words, there are groomers and plenty of groomer enablers who seem almost indistinguishable from them on the Left.

The reality is that avoiding being a groomer isn’t exactly a high bar. Don’t try to have sex with kids, show them pornography, watch child porn, try to confuse them about their gender, or expose them to drag queens. If that seems like too much to ask, then well, it’s probably because you’re a groomer.

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