Kristin Cavallari and The Montana Boyz: Unnecessary Advice

There is a lot of terrible advice in the world. It’s all over TikTok, Instagram, and social media in general. Much of this terrible advice comes from people who are far from having their lives together themselves, but what is even more damaging is when the advice comes from an inconsistent source and societal trends, from someone just following whatever people are doing on TikTok.

Nine times out of 10, that kind of advice is just not ever going to be good.

Enter: Kristin Cavallari. Kristin is an internet personality who got her start on “Laguna Beach” back in the early 2000s. Now, she has a podcast called “Let’s Be Honest,” and over the years, she’s gained a following of millions. She is a divorced mom of three and recently started dating a 24-year-old TikToker who seems to have made all the common sense she might have had fly right out the window.

So why is this worth calling attention to? Because she is sharing this lack of common sense with her 4.8 million primarily young female fans.

The story publicly began on March 28 when she posted a picture with Mark Estes on her Instgram with the caption “Him 🤍”. Mark is a member of the Montana Boyz (@montana.boyz) — emphasis on boyz with a “z” — a TikTok group who makes Western-ish thirst trap videos. Before he started dating Kristin, no one had ever even seen his face before because he always wore his hat pulled way down over his eyes. (Seriously, I did not know what this man looked like.)

They had some videos that went viral, all of which show them walking to the camera in a line while they lip sync, like the one they did before the CMT Awards. They lip sync, they walk around, and they just exist as attractive 20-something-year-old guys. They have millions upon millions of views, so plenty of girls are loving this content — but these guys also get absolutely roasted online, which I’m sure they know because it is objectively hysterical that this is how they have gotten famous.

Mark and Kristin hit it off and started “hanging out” earlier this year. Around that time, Kristin came out with a dating hot take on her podcast telling her listeners that it does not matter when you sleep with a man:

I don’t think it matters. It doesn’t matter if you sleep with him the first date or the 10th date. If there is chemistry and feelings there, it doesn’t matter. Ninety percent of couples who are in like the best relationships where they like found the one all slept together.

First of all, Kristin is 37-years-old; she shouldn’t be “hanging out” with a guy. Second, “chemistry and feelings” will only get you so far. Obviously, it’s important that those exist in a relationship, but they should not be the foundation. Shared values and respect are what make for a long haul. She apparently used to care and was on a “make him wait” thing for the past few years, but then something or someone caused that mentality to just disappear. The majority of her followers were not enthused about any of this and the comments proved it, citing this as some of the “absolute worst advice” for young females.

For Kristin’s 4.8 million followers, the majority of whom are young women, this is not the advice they need to be hearing. It’s not healthy — far from it. The comments on this clip continued, with some women laying down hard facts and others sharing thoughts on sleeping around, saying, “You’re absolutely damaging yourself if you sleep around.” That comment was definitely not in the minority. Call it soul ties, call it pair bonding, call it what you want, but whatever it is, it is real. That type of connection is rooted in our biology.

WATCH: The Comments Section with Brett Cooper

Of course, there were a few people who were shocked by these “backwards” comments, as they say, but they were the ones in the actual minority. I had to do some serious searching to find them. One commented they should be able to do whatever they want:

Yet nobody is saying they can’t. In fact, none of the commenters said this wasn’t allowed or that hookup culture is illegal. It’s a free country. But what they were arguing in good faith is that this is unhealthy behavior and an unhealthy mindset. Plus, just because you can do something does not mean that you should do something. (Those are words worth living by.) And that’s not a difficult concept to grasp.

That said, I have friends who have waited until marriage and have the greatest of marriages. I also have friends who slept together on the first date, are married, and are madly in love. But those personal anecdotes do not change the facts about the response that sex causes in our bodies and the real consequences and risks that come along with it. The fact is that there are risks to engaging in sex, all of which are critical to making informed decisions. Decisions should never be made because someone said “it doesn’t matter” or because “it’s empowering.” Those are subjective points. The objective, chemical facts prove different.

After Kristin announced her and Mark’s relationship in March, the clip from January’s podcast episode likely started to make a little more sense to her fans: Kristin wanted to show Mark that she was a cool, chill girl. She could be fine with all of this. She must not have considered that you can be a chill girl and also set healthy boundaries and have some self-respect — which she especially should have done, being a mother of three.

Then came the podcast episode where Kristin had the whole Montana Boyz group on her podcast.

This episode was full of cringe-worthy, uncomfortable conversations, one of which centered around settling down. According to one of the boyz, people older than them have told them not to settle down, that they should wait. Though that is simply just the wrong way to look at a relationship, two of the three declared they definitely don’t want to settle down right now — but they aren’t sure about Mark, Kristin’s boyfriend. The Montana boy continues, saying they “definitely have some personal goals that we want to reach. So it’s kind of tough to do that when you’re locked down and you’re focusing on a relationship.” All this is said with Mark and Kristin sitting right next to each other.

As if this saga needed any more help getting everyone’s attention, it gets better (or worse). Kristin asks, “But what if you met your dream girl?” Now, that is a conversation that should not be had on this podcast. It is one they should have, but together off camera. Mark is put under all kinds of pressure in this episode, which, arguably, he signed up for since he entered into this relationship. But that question — what if you met your dream girl? — is clearly a subtweet at her three-month-old relationship. She basically asked, “Is it me?”

This clip was all over the place with people reacting and begging her to stop. It’s just all so uncomfortable, especially considering that she threw caution to the wind to look like the hot, chill, cool, older woman in order to land him in the first place. The comments ranged from calling out Kristin desperately wanting Mark to say he wants to settle down to the other guys secretly telling Kristin that she’s not Mark’s end game.

And one mom had a brilliant and hilarious comparison:

None of them should be giving advice, Kristin included. And just when it seemed the situation could not get any more cringe, it did. Mark has said he wants kids. That’s not the cringe part; this makes sense since he’s 24-years-old and does not have children yet. The cringe part is: Kristin is mulling it over. She is considering what having a child with Mark the Montana Boy would look like, especially since she already has three kids. So while he could not even make eye contact with Kristin on her podcast when she asked him about settling down if he met his dream girl, she’s considering having his child. She really just shouldn’t push it. We should all just say — her included — that she’s just having fun because that’s how we’re all viewing this.

Obviously, Mark doesn’t have much to lose because he is 24-years-old. Kristin, however, is a mom. She has three children to consider (who she has already introduced to Mr. Montana, by the way). If she really does want more children, the clock is ticking. She needs to be serious and not waste time with him based on an infatuation period.

And while this may seem like online, reality TV drama, there is a point: The way you choose a partner and approach relationships should be rooted in something other than infatuation. It could be rooted in your faith, a core set of values, or pure common sense, all of which will protect you and hold you accountable. But to publicly throw caution to the wind and common sense out the window because you want to hook up with someone to get their attention? In the end, that will never work out.

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