Leftist March Madness: Meet The Bitter 16

And then there were 16. 

While much of the nation has been riveted by the opening rounds of the NCAA Men’s basketball tournament, the lunatics on the political left have been battling it out in their own game of March Madness. After some tough, bruising contests of left-wing mental illness, the “Bitter 16” have survived to fight it out for the national crazy crown. 

Which one of these ranting, hypocritical libs will emerge the ultimate victor? Will it be one of the big government socialists, a perennial powerhouse in progressive politics making another deep run in the Big Dance? Or will it be an upstart radical Marxist poised to slip on the Cinderella slipper in flamboyant drag queen fashion? 

Let’s look at the remaining brackets and see who’s still dancing in this mad march to leftist insanity. 

East Regional

1. Sen. Bernie Sanders — The old “independent” leftist from Vermont, is, as Paul Simon sang, still crazy after all these years. Bernie has been on what he likes to call the Fighting Oligarchy Tour. Think of it like Burning Man but led by a cranky geriatric politician bereft of self-awareness. Bernie Man. On the tour, Sanders calls President Trump and other billionaires he doesn’t like oligarchs while failing to mention the billionaire liberals who have bought up the channels of American power and influence. The Democrat Party’s previous octogenarian standard bearer, it should be noted, recently awarded a Presidential Medal of Freedom to one of those socialist oligarchs — George Soros. 

2. U.S. District Judge James Boasberg — The Obama-nominated activist judge has certainly made a name for himself in judicial madness. Boasberg, a D.C. judge with an ax to grind, is poised to make a deep run in this bat guano crazy tournament — if he has to take down the republic to do it. As my Federalist colleague John Daniel Davidson recently wrote, Boasberg is a “virulently anti-Trump judge with a long history of questionable judicial activism” who did the bidding of far-left lawfare groups in issuing his temporary restraining order against the Trump administration’s efforts to deport gang members and terrorists. In this mad March, expect the leftist referees to have the biggest impact on the games. 

3. Sen. Chuck Schumer— While the nasty, old Democrat may have released the whirlwind of intra-party feuding after effectively standing with the GOP to pass another continuing resolution, Schumer is a cockroach of congressional politics. The New York liberal has survived just about everything in his 50-plus years in the political arena. The leftist young guns may gunning for him, but the vindictive Senate minority leader has enough muck on his caucus to stick around a little longer. 

4. Rep. Hakeem Jeffries — The embattled House minority leader has made it this far, but the New York left-winger has a battle on his hands with the party’s far-left base. Hakeem’s Trump-hating resistance movement isn’t resisting or hating nearly as much as the Moveon.org crowd would like. Sure, Jeffries has at times stepped up his radical rhetorical game, threatening to “fight” Trump and Republicans in the streets. But he’s been accused of failing to use his “power” to push back on the Trump agenda. Without much of an inside presence, Jeffries’ mad March appears to be in doubt.  

Midwest Regional

1. Tampon Tim Walz — The Democrat Minnesota Gov. and bumbling running mate of also-ran Kamala Harris has been on a redemption tour of late to rebuild whatever brand some criminally overpaid consultants thought he is or was. He’s been trying to explain why the Dem presidential ticket didn’t win. Such arguments should begin and end with a mirror. Timmy is talking tough and taking names. The same guy who signed a law requiring tampon dispensers in Minnesota schools’ boys bathrooms told suddenly podcaster California Gov. Gavin Newsom that Trump voters are “scared” of his masculinity. That kind of blustering delusion will serve Walz well, making him a solid contender for the leftist Elitist Eight. 

2. Rep. Ilhan Omar — Another Minnesota Marxist, Omar, of course, rides with the insane clown posse of far-left House members known as The Squad. When she’s not shrilly accusing President Trump of being a dictator, Omar is advising illegal immigrants how to avoid Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents. She could play for Columbia Jew haters, but Omar prefers to take her antisemitism game to the halls of Congress. 

3. Gov. J.B. Pritzker —  Sure, the Illinois leftist is morbidly obese and in no condition to run up and down the court for 40 minutes. But Pritzker is filthy rich, and big money is a big player in far-left politics. He’s also got a liberal loathing for the law and law enforcement, particularly his penchant for hindering ICE’s efforts to enforce immigration laws. This governor with the triple chin is a triple threat this March. 

4. Judge Susan Crawford —  The far-left Wisconsin Supreme Court candidate is a dark horse for sure, but she’s got massive amounts of Big Left money backing her campaign against conservative candidate Judge Brad Schimel. If Crawford wins, liberals will maintain a 4-3 majority that would likely rig Wisconsin’s congressional maps to give Democrats a good chance to take back the U.S. House and disrupt the Trump agenda.  The outside game is making this swing state Supreme Court race the most expensive in U.S history. 

West Regional 

1. Sen. Mazie Hirono — Perhaps the Senate’s ultimate DEI representative, Hirono has been a high seed in identity politics. Who could forget the Hawaii Democrat’s memorable tournament run in 2012, when she boasted that she brought “quadruple diversity to the Senate,” noting, “I’m a woman. I’ll be the first Asian woman ever to be elected to the U.S. Senate. I’m an immigrant. I’m a Buddhist.” She proudly added, “When I said this at a gathering, they said, ‘Yes, but are you gay?’ I said, ‘Nobody’s perfect.’” Now that’s a DEI liberal powerhouse. For leftists, Hirono’s got the right stuff. 

2. Rep. Nancy Pelosi — The California raisin has been around the block and then some in the world of leftist power politics. While the old girl may not be what she used to be, Pelosi, like Schumer, remains one of the blue bloods of the old Democratic Party guard. The fairy godmother of Obamacare still has some crazy tricks up her sleeve to have a Cinderella moment in this tournament of madness. 

3. Sen. Adam Schiff — Only California could elect a repugnant slug like Adam Schiff to the Senate. But that’s where we are at in this mad, mad world. He’s got an undefeated record against ethics and integrity. And few hold a candle to Schiff’s all-consuming Trump Derangement Syndrome. The new senator should be in prison, but Schiff is here to play. 

4. Tesla Torchers — A taste 2020 is back with a bang as radicals face charges of heaving Molotov cocktails at Teslas and charging stations. Leftists who loved Tesla founder Elon Musk for his environmental activism now want to see his electric vehicles burn. Now that’s March Madness! 

South Regional

1. Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — You just can’t have a tournament of leftist lunacy without AOC. You can’t. The Green New Deal peddler’s star continues to rise in a Democrat Party that clearly has learned nothing from its devastating losses in November. Never underestimate AOC’s march to madness. 

2. The cast of The View. It doesn’t get much crazier than these ladies. Their body of work speaks for itself. With Joy Reid knocked out of the race to the bottom, Sunny, Joy, Whoopi, and the rest of the gang have a good chance to keep dancing. 

3. Comedian Bill Burr — Bombastic Bill’s recent turn left sounded the alarm that his overplayed “fearless” schtick was just that. Schtick. During an appearance on The View, Burr stuffed his male genitalia into Joy Behar’s purse and carried it around for her. He joined the chorus of Musk haters on the left. That might buy his new Hulu comedy special a few more leftist viewers, but Burr crossed over to boring long before he began courting the liberals he once skewered. He’s a bald Lewis Black in comedy no man’s land. His run is done. 

4. The Bulwark — Bill Kristol and the gang at the faux conservative publication have so much hatred for Donald Trump and love for big government that they would make the perfect useful idiots for the Democratic Party — if anyone read the Bulwark. But don’t expect a trip to the Final Fiends from this group. Filled with effete elitists, the publication clearly made the Bitter 16 as a favor to the Lincoln Project.  

Matt Kittle is a senior elections correspondent for The Federalist. An award-winning investigative reporter and 30-year veteran of print, broadcast, and online journalism, Kittle previously served as the executive director of Empower Wisconsin.