NERD ALERT: Democrat Senate Candidate Likes Magic the Gathering, Was First Male Cheerleader at Yale

What is the story? The Washington Free Beacon has learned that Lucas Kunce, the two-time failed Senate candidate running in the Democratic primary for U.S. Senate in Missouri, is a massive nerd and a tattling little narc.

Who is Lucas Kunce? Kunce is a white male Ivy League graduate from Yale and Columbia, a military veteran, an abortion flip-flopper, director at a think tank funded by a left-wing billionaire, and his Southern accent is fake. Despite his impressive resume, he has failed to win any major elections thus far.

Why is Kunce considered a massive nerd? Kunce plays Magic: The Gathering, a popular card game among fans of the fantasy genre. He regularly tweets about his favorite decks and asks for advice on strategies.

What else makes Kunce a nerd? He was the first male cheerleader at Yale in 2003. In a 2006 interview with the Yale Daily News, Kunce said he enjoyed the experience.

Did Kunce win the Democratic primary? No, he was beaten by beer heiress Trudy Busch Valentine.

Has Kunce been in trouble with the law? Yes, Kunce was arrested as a college student for throwing a box of Lucky Charms on fire out of a window to retaliate against neighbors smoking weed.

Why is Kunce running for Senate despite his lack of success in politics? It is likely a move to boost his profile and prevent more radical candidates from winning the Democratic primary. However, it is very unlikely that he will win in the solidly Republican state of Missouri.

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