Pride Events: Not Suitable for Work or Children—A Significant Indicator

This article reports on explicit public behavior.

Ah, June. That beautiful month of the year now stained by parades of naked people right down myriad American Main Streets.

It’s the month my inbox fills with desperate parents and other ordinary decent people — including queer people — who this month cannot go swimming, to an ice cream shop, to their favorite public park, to the fairgrounds, to the library, or wherever else with or without their kids. That’s because every public place in June now features, erm, nasty people’s private jiggly bits, either directly or indirectly.

In the tiny town of Ashtabula, Ohio, this year the “pride” extravaganza will feature “family-friendly” drag queens who have a public history of exposing their genitals and pole-dancing. Their names are child-friendly things like Kat Piss, Mona Lotz, and Robyn Hearts.

This “pride” event in a tiny Midwestern town will be on its public beach in full view of multiple middle-class family homes. These families cannot go in their own backyards during this event unless they want their children to see sex performers. Further, anyone who shows up at the popular Lake Erie beach without being forewarned could have their entire family outing exposed to sex acts.

But don’t worry! It’s family-friendly! I’m sure performers who post things like this on Facebook have nothing but the purest intentions toward the children they will be playing with on this beach. Their sense of what is child-appropriate surely is completely trustworthy. In fact, they simply love children. Love is love!

This isn’t isolated to some random small town in Ohio. This is just about everyone’s town now. All our towns are unsafe for children throughout June and beyond.

If you doubt that, try going into a Target or public library during June. You don’t even have to be in Hollywood like these pridesters below to be forced to explain to your preschooler what gay sex is. Who wouldn’t love to answer her 6-year-old asking, after she read the library display books, what the words “queer” and “trans” or the unpronounceable-seeming word “LGBT” means?

I mean, every mom wants to talk to her kids about men cutting off their Jimmy Johnsons! If she doesn’t, she’s a horrible bigot!

There simply is no way of telling kids what any part of the queer alphabet is without talking about sex. There is absolutely nothing different about queer people except what they do with their private parts.

Queer people are of all personalities, nationalities, and interests. The only thing that distinguishes them is what they do with their sexual parts. And precisely zero of the mechanics of that is appropriate to explain to small children. Heck, none of the mechanics of what heterosexual people do with our private parts is appropriate to explain to small children.

I do not talk about sex with my 6-year-old. But if I take her to a store viciously sand-blasted with rainbow goop — which is nearly all of them in June — then I have to either entirely sidestep the issue while leaving as quickly as possible or explain sex to her, which I would never do, because I am not a pervert.

This should be understood by everyone without having to be said plainly, but our culture is so disgusting it needs to be said now: It’s violating to explain sex to very prepubescent children. It violates them to even discuss private parts, except when necessary to help bathe and toilet these babies.

Of course, we talk about their basic anatomy in plain terms among family when necessary. But anything beyond that is utterly inappropriate, and everyone knows it. Anyone who claims he doesn’t know it should immediately be put on the “super suspicious creeper list” and kept far away from children.

So why do queer people get a complete pass to be blatantly sexually transgressive in ways we never, ever tolerate for heterosexuals? If a group of people decided they were nakedsexuals whose beautiful heterosexuality is suppressed by clothing, would we let them hold nudist parades right on Main Street every freaking year? Would we let them run bouncy houses for children in public parks? At this point, I would hardly be surprised, but I think there would be far more resistance to that sort of thing than the limp flaccidity from just about every entity in this country.

Why is that? Why do gay people get to walk around in banana hammocks, butt cheeks waggling, with their naked nipples bared right in front of children while they talk about how much they love children, when anyone else doing that without the protective rainbow shield would rightfully get arrested or a visit from Child Protective Services? That’s not equality. It’s subjugation.