Singer Billie Eilish Reveals She’s Struggled With Porn Addiction Since Childhood: ‘It Really Destroyed My Brain’

In a heartbreaking interview with Howard Stern on Dec. 13, Billie Eilish admitted that she has been addicted to pornography since she was 11 years old and said that the habit has damaged her ability to form healthy relationships.

“As a woman, I think porn is a disgrace, and I used to watch a lot of porn, to be honest,” she said, adding, “I started watching porn when I was like 11. I didn’t understand why it was a bad thing. I thought that’s how you learned how to have sex.”

The pop singer argued against the third-wave feminist idea that pornography can be “empowering” for women:

I used to be the person that would talk about porn all the time. I’d be like, ‘Oh, it’s so stupid that anybody would think that porn is bad or f***ed up,’ you know, ‘I think it’s so cool and it’s great and it’s empowering.’ […] I was an advocate and I thought I was ‘one of the guys’ and would talk about it and think I was really cool for not having a problem with it and not seeing why it was bad and… you know. I think it really destroyed my brain and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn.

During the interview, the now 19-year-old revealed that exposure to violent sexual imagery at a young age gave her nightmares and negatively impacted her sleep.

“I think that I had sleep paralysis and these night terrors slash nightmares because of it,” she said. “I think that’s how it started because I would just watch abusive BDSM and that’s what I thought was attractive.” She went on:

It got to a point where I couldn’t watch anything else unless it was violent. I didn’t think it was attractive. And I was a virgin, I had never done anything, and it led to problems. The first few times I, you know, had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good. It’s because I thought that that’s what I was supposed to be attracted to. I’m so angry that porn is so loved, and I’m so angry at myself for thinking that it was okay. The way that vaginas look in porn is f***ing crazy. No vaginas look like that. Women’s bodies don’t look like that. We don’t come like that. […] It’s how so many people think they’re supposed to learn.

Eilish’s latest hit song, “Male Fantasy,” which she performed on “Saturday Night Live” over the weekend, seems to reference her shifting feelings about porn.

“Home alone, tryin’ not to eat/Distract myself with pornography,” she sings, “I hate the way she looks at me/I can’t stand the dialogue, she would never be/That satisfied, it’s a male fantasy/I’m going back to therapy.”

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