The Kerfuffle At The Capitol

This is the opening monologue of “The Comedy Store”.Andrew Klavan Show.”

New videos released by Tucker Carlson at Fox News suggest that the January 6 kerfuffle was actually a mere ruckus except for brief moments when it became a fracas before settling into a foofaraw followed by a to-do interrupted by a bobbery which then expanded into a melee before dying out in a pother — that is, if it wasn’t just a bunch of idiots charging into the Capitol building followed by another bunch of idiots trying to prevent the first bunch of idiots from certifying the election of a new bunch of idiots, in which case all we can say about January 6 is that the capitol was filled with idiots just like any other day when congress is in session.  

The media circus over the hurlyburly quickly turned into a full-blown williwaw when House Speaker Kevin McCarthy presented Carlson with new videos of either the ruction, or foofaraw depending on who is telling it. The Democrats objected immediately to the showing of videos, claiming that Carlson was cherry-picking pandemonium scenes to make it seem more like a hoopla.

Chuck Schumer, Senate Majority leader and demonic lying dirtbag, said. [Quote] “It is absolutely despicable for Carlson’s distortion of events to interrupt our distortion of events when anyone can see from our distortion of events that this was much worse than it looks in his distortion of events. You didn’t see the news media pulling this sort of thing when Adolf Hitler was trying to overplay the burning of the Reichstag, although perhaps that isn‘t the best possible analogy since it’s exactly the same sort of thing we’re doing and makes us look like Hitler.” [unquote]

Schumer’s Republican critics responded by accusing Schumer, the Senate leader, and demonicly lying dirtbag, of being a demonic lies dirtbag. However, Schumer claimed he was transparent, since demonic lying dirtybag was in his job description. You can also see him and tell what he is, so he’s not hiding anything.

The Carlson videos show that the events at the kerfuffle were different from what House Democrats described. They suppressed dissenting voices to give their version, which was actually a kerfuffle. The video shows Capitol police actually leading Q-Anon, Shaman around the building like they were giving him a tour. The videos show that he was actually wearing a furry horned cap, which is also illegal and punishable with four years imprisonment.

Fox News reported that the media rushed for the Democrat narrative and formed a circle around it, beating their shields and shouting loudly. This was to drown out all the noise of people watching Fox News. CNN claimed that Fox video clips were being shown in secret meetings held during prime time. [quote-unquote] They revealed that CNN was spreading skewed propaganda that could cause them to lose some viewers. This would make them negative viewers. A metaphysical impossibility that might cause reality’s collapse into incoherent blather might result in the universe becoming indistinguishable form Don Lemon. 

The New York Times, a former newspaper, ran a headline — and this is a real headline — that said [quote] “Republican Lawmakers Split over Carlson’s False January 6 Claims.” Times editors responded to a question about how they knew that the claims were false. “It’s right there in the headline.”

Joe Biden, President and Venal Houseplant, also condemned the Carlson video clips. Biden fell down a flight stairs into an aircraft where he saw one of his male appointees disguised as a female and stole his luggage. Biden then fell back down the stairs and bumped into another of his male appointees, calling for the sexual abutilation of children. It was a scene so chaotic, incompetent and morally depraved that several idiots stormed It was quite the foofaraw. Or hoo-ha depending on who you ask.

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Andrew Klavan The Andrew Klavan show hosts on The Daily Wire. Klavan is a well-known political satirist, screenwriter for Hollywood and a novelist who has won numerous awards. His latest novel is A strange habit of mindThe Cameron Winter Mystery book 2 is now available.

The opinions expressed in this satirical piece are the author’s and not necessarily those of The Daily Wire.

“From The Capitol Kerfuffle“

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