Tim Walz’s Attack on Trump and Vance Quickly Backfires After Internet Notices Problem That Can’t Be Ignored

Bob Dylan is one of the most brilliantly, frustratingly cryptic songwriters of all time, even in what’s arguably his most straightforward quotable lyric of all: “To live outside the law, you must be honest.”

For those of you who aren’t fans of the erstwhile Robert Allen Zimmerman from Duluth, Minnesota, that’s from “Absolutely Sweet Marie” off of “Blonde on Blonde.” It’s arguably the second-best song off of one of Dylan’s best albums, right outside of the (infinitely cryptic) “Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again.”

Dylan fans tend to take that line as a minor profundity — and a totally forthright one at that, “honor among thieves” rephrased as a face-value take on the ethos of the 1960s underground.

To these ears, however, it’s just as cryptic as anything else Dylan has ever written because it comes from Dylan, a famously inscrutable man. If the narrator were honest, sure — it would resonate at its surface level. But the great riddle comes when you think about it for a second: Isn’t that statement exactly what someone living outside the law who wasn’t being honest would tell you to try to convince you that they were being truthful?

I include this preamble only because 1) after almost two years of this campaign, I’d much rather be listening to “Blonde on Blonde” than tedious, verifiably false Democrat soundbites at this juncture, and 2) a far less poetic, far less eminent Minnesotan than Dylan — Vice President Kamala Harris’ running mate, unfunny Don Rickles impersonator Gov. Tim Walz — has just provided, what I feel, is his own version of “to live outside the law, you must be honest.”

“All Donald Trump and JD Vance know about manufacturing is how to manufacture bulls***,” he wrote in a Friday post on X.

WARNING: The following posts contain graphic language that some readers will find offensive.

All Donald Trump and JD Vance know about manufacturing is how to manufacture bullshit.

— Tim Walz (@Tim_Walz) October 11, 2024

Yes, apparently, the party of “learn to code” now wants you to think that a former president and running mate who have worked tirelessly to bring manufacturing back to America are the real prevaricators about creating jobs, not Walz — a guy who gets busted in a brand new lie every several hours or so.

I’m picturing my riposte being sung in a Dylan-esque croon:

“To post about your opponents manufacturing bulls***, you must manufacture bulls*** / and the couch-stained jokes, they do repugnantly lieth there / And moon-eyed valor, it must by day be stolen / and also, you B.S.’ed us all about Tiananmen Square.”

OK, I need to brush up that last line to make it more suitably cryptic, but my job doesn’t involve either 1) trying to live up to legacy of “Highway 61 Revisited” or “Blood on the Tracks” every time I release a late-career album or 2) running for vice president.

And, as regards to the the latter category, people were more than willing to point out that for someone willing to talk that kind of trash on social media (or at least have his interns do it), Walz has a reputation of manufacturing plenty of male bovine effluence:

You might want to sit this one out. pic.twitter.com/QCMr8RWXXe

— Dustin Grage (@GrageDustin) October 11, 2024

Didn’t you call for ending the Electoral College? https://t.co/gK02qzkeEE

— The Calvin Coolidge Project (@TheCalvinCooli1) October 11, 2024

Bro you lied about your service and then said you lied because you’re a “knucklehead”, gtfo

— Anthony Cabassa (IWA) (@AnthonyCabassa_) October 11, 2024

All Tim Walz knows how to manufacture is his lies.

Stolen valor, Tiananmen Square, and IVF come to mind.

What others?

— Paul A. Szypula 🇺🇸 (@Bubblebathgirl) October 11, 2024

You’re literally a proven serial liar.

— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) October 11, 2024

Indeed, Walz is even being lectured by a man who goes by the pseudonym Catturd™ about … well, I’ll let you fill in those blanks.

Just so we’re clear, Walz hasn’t had a whole lot of vetting by the national media, at least as candidates of his stature would normally get. In fact, we didn’t even know that a Democratic candidate was going to be picking a new running mate until sometime in July, when the current president — who had a running mate, as you may (and he probably doesn’t) recall — was effectively told by his own party that he was too senile to make his own decisions and that no, he would not be running for another four years in office.

And in the Kamala Harris veepstakes, Walz wasn’t even considered a frontrunner, perhaps not even an also-ran.

Sen. Mark Kelly of Arizona and Govs. Josh Shapiro of Pennsylvania and Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan not only had higher profiles but were also in swing states where they remain relatively popular. If Minnesota ever turned out to be a swing state, meanwhile, the Democrats were in a lot of trouble, trouble that Tim Walz wasn’t going to save them from.

But Walz catapulted to the top of the field in a weird way: because of the word “weird.” He kept calling Republicans “weird,” and this somehow stuck for a few weeks. The New York Times said it was the one word that “Has Elevated Minnesota’s Governor to the Democrats’ V.P. Wish List” in a headline just before Walz was chosen.

So he made sure everyone knew how “weird” these Republicans were by … telling an off-color joke during his first major speech as running mate in which he repeated a fake internet story involving former President Donald Trump’s running mate, Ohio Sen. J.D. Vance, admitting to having sexual congress with a couch.

Tim Walz says he can’t wait to debate JD Vance if he’s willing to get off the couch and show up.

“See what I did there?” Walz jokes. pic.twitter.com/6BR23cs1GB

— The Rooster (@rooster_ohio) August 6, 2024

Walz’s “weirdness” quickly gave way to Walz’s lying, however, and not just about his opponent and couches.

It turns out he’s lied about his military service, his response to the George Floyd riots of 2020, how his children were conceived, and oh yeah, that Tiananmen Square thing. This isn’t just being a “knucklehead,” this is a pattern.

This, too, is also just what the media has dug up thus far — and keep in mind there wasn’t much business in digging up dirt about Tim Walz’s past before early August. Thus the fact that the media has turned up this much bunkum in two months shouldn’t be a good sign for this guy’s future if (heaven forfend) he’s ensconced in the Naval Observatory for four years by American voters in November.

But, to hear him Walz it: “All Donald Trump and JD Vance know about manufacturing is how to manufacture bulls***.” To live outside the truth, apparently, you must be very vulgar. Or just “weird.”

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