To Prove You’re Inclusive And Antiracist, Download The Trans Sans Font Today

Much typography currently in use, like so many things in our world, was designed by white, sexist, misogynist, racist, European, toxic males. These male chauvinist pigs brutally pushed aside any female, LGBTQIA2++etc., BIPOC, or LatinX would-be font designers— and we know many marginalized persons were clamoring for typographic fame in the 16th century— to maintain the iron grip of white Europeans in the world of typography, to the detriment of everyone else. Which, of course, is how white male pigs operate.

As a result, every time a marginalized person reads anything, from a blog post to a highway sign to a recipe for bootleg Southern Comfort®, they are unconsciously stewing in white supremacy.

That is all about to change. According to a press release from InclusiFonts®, the world’s first woke type foundry, zir hand-selected team of marginalized victim designers will begin releasing bias-free typography, beginning with the sans-serif font Trans Sans™.

When employing the Trans Sans font, the work of the writing person can mean one thing today and its opposite tomorrow. Or possibly neither. In fact, every time someone reads it, it will convey something different depending on its literary “identity.”

Inspired by the work of Professor Lorna Roth, Ph.D., who showed that photographic film is racist, Inclusifonts foundrypersons made a careful and detailed study of typography’s dark and bloody history, discarded all contradictory information, then slathered what remained with leftist preconceptions and dogma to reach the foregone conclusion that typography was “problematic.”

All InclusiFonts will dispense with the usual font-weight designations, such as “thin” (fat-phobic!), “light” (as in SKIN?), “regular” (according to who?), “bold” (toxic Y-chromosome!!!), “heavy” (again with the fat-shaming), and— can I even say it?—“black” (!!!!!!). Additionally, all italic versions will be left-leaning.

InclusiFonts will feature unique keyboard shortcuts to make leftist screeding more efficient and enjoyable. For example, if a leftist screedwriter wishes to type the increasingly long-winded LGBTQIA2++etc., xi only needs to type Command-LG. Similarly, many common woke terms can be invoked by typing Command-T for Transphobe, -R for Racist, -S for Sexist, -H for Homophobe, -TR for TERF, -RE for REEEEEEEEEEE!!!, and so on.

When employing Nounjetives® such as GreedyCapitalist, AngryWhiteMale, and EuroPig in leftist writing, similar shortcuts using Command/Option (Mac) or Command/Alt (PC) are available in every typeface voluntary collective (formerly: “family”). If the writing person is particularly miffed, Trans Sans TERFed is the font to express rage most effectively.

As new victim groups are added to the LGBTQIA2+++etc acronym, InclusiFonts guarantees that their font library will include frequent free updates.

Fonts in the production pipeline include Phallic Inverted, Lefty Masked, Karen Ultra Meddling, Berries Twice Removed, SoyBoy Limp, Testis Tucked, Mammary Bound, Queer Irregular, 1A Censored (this font won’t work for conservatives), Puberty Blocked, and Mandate Extra Cruel.

These features and more can save millions of keystrokes over the angry, resentful lifetimes of engaged, enraged leftists.

InclusiFonts: Literary Equity at Last.

J.C. Bourque is a recovering liberal whose rantings can be found in his book “Squeezed: Rear-Ended by American Politics.” If you didn’t care for this essay, you won’t like the book, either.

*As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases